I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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