Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
