that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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