Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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