I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
