pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
