told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
