I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
no you cant smoke seaweed
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just googled if crying burns calories
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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