I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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