Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
