Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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