dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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