How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
