Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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