This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
