I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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