she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
