So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
