just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
