So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize