I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
