I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
