thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
