Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
