a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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