Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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