just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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