Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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