I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
