Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Are we still banned from the library?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
