i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
