OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
