i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
