I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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