i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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