May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
