people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
