if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
And then my night got REAL pukey
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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