Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
