hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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