we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
