You're completely useless in the revolution.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
