The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
