I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
