i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
