What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just high enough for therapy.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
