The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize