Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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