i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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