Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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