"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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