i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
