If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
