At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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