Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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