Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize