Umm I'm too high to move.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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