I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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