so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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