dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I love you.
Bad choice
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
