He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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