Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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