i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
