At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
