Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I think people are normalizing furries
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
