you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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