I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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